Saturday, 9 September 2017

QUASIMODO HAS LOST HIS MOJO . . .

QUASIMODO HAS LOST HIS MOJO



Quassi; me old mucker, just how did you come into this world, with such an ugly face
Just; then to be dumped by the gypsies who took Esme the good looker in your place

Poor old Esme’s mother, who took just one look at Quassi, fell into despair and fled
And; thought dear little Agnes was more than dead, and, as a meal to the gypsies fed

Poor old Quassi; was for some strange reason, exorcized before been sent on to Paris
In fear of the kin folk left behind; who they thought if he remained, could embarrass

Frollo; the lustful adopted Quassi, on account he was only 5ft, but; was full of muscle
As: sent poor old Quassi on a mission to see if the good looker, Esme he could hustle

Quassi who had not excised for a while; failed in his job to some tosser called Phoebus
Thus; ended up returning empty handed, and, now up for kidnapping, was full of cuss

Poor old Quassi; was sentenced to a day in the pillory, whilst spat at, and, then mocked
It was dear Esme who showed him pity and gave Quassi some water, then was shocked,

When he in turn; asked to kiss her hand, course Quassi had falling quite madly in love
But; Quassi’s handsome good looks kinda of repulsed Esme, so she gave him the shove

As bringing curses; by whom it was yet to known, Esme’s very own, long lost mother
Who in turn thought her long lost daughter Agnes has been stolen & eaten by others

Later on in the game Esme saw the old Captain Phoebus and his fiancée Fleur - de - lys
With his piece of posh fluff; he wanted to marry, whist Esme, as, just someone to kiss

Esme took real offence on hearing this news; and, was just about to get up and leave
When didn’t Phoebus played his ace of a card hurt face and Esme returned to please

But little did they both know they were being spied on by, I do not give up cad Frollo
Who in a fit of jealous rage stabbed the old Captain Phoebus in the rumpus to follow

Dear poor Esme; on the mere sight of blood; ended up on the floor, after she fainted
Didn’t know that; as it so didn’t happen, the murder of Phoebus she would be tainted

Her delicate little dancing foot; was then threated, as to be put in the crushing device
Aiding her to confess to something, which even to her, she knew was, not quite right

Even her most weirdest best friend of a goat was used as a witness against her in court
Though we know; that after a few bags of rolled oats; the darn goat, had been bought

Guess who turns up; but, Frollo the lustful who offers Esme, it is me, or, the rope card
Esme angry with Frollo; even more so with me as a poet, yells “Out, you’re both bard”

Quassi seizes his chance; as he sees the ever so swinging lynch rope, start to get nearer
Takes Esme into Notre Dame; crying sanctuary, like we couldn’t hear him any clearer

As nobody had any idea of what to do then, it was thought best, just let them both be
As Quassi got to know Esme; and, Esme got to know Quassi, all over a nice cup of tea

Esme, at last, gives in and gave Quassi a kiss and in polite return he gave Esme his grizzle
Sorry; my mistake there; due to bad candle lighting, that was meant to say, his whistle!

That; should she in time of need, whilst he is away, all she had to was give it a little blow
Flippin’ ‘eck; this poem goes from bad to worse the further along with it, it seems to go

So . . .

Of the whistle it was just as well; as Frollo the lustful, decides to make a call on dear Esme
Thinks; Esme it is that darn old git Frollo the lustful again, he is trying to overwhelm me

Grabbing the whistle; that we are best Bessie mates, Quassi had gave her, she starts to blow
And with only seconds to spare of losing her knickers; didn’t poor Quassi, make his show

And in the darkness, he gave old Frollo the lustfull, a pretty good bashing, by all accounts
But; as the moon shone onto Frollo the lustful face; Quassi saw who it was and dismounts

His poor old dad; who had adopted him from his very own foundling bed at Notre Dame
Frollo; who is angered by it all shouts “If I can’t have you, nobody can” and left in shame

Frollo; the now not so lustful, went off alone to fulfill his evil claim, to kill Esme his aim
Using Pierre Gringoire; who Esme had saved from death and, had married, all but in name

Gringoire thought he knew the score; he called in the gypsies and tried to save Esme’s life
But; poor old Quassie did not know any of this, and, there ended up in one hella’ of a fight

King Louis XI had got wind of this; and, said “This has to stop” and ordered in the soldiers
To stop the rioting & for the fun of it; Phoebus was fighting alongside shoulder to shoulder

In the fray, Esme takes leave; and is about to run from Notre dame when met by two men
One is cloaked and the other is her husband in all but name Gringoire which both pretend

To offer Esme safe passage out via the river Seine, as faints hearing her death chants thrown
As again; she awakens from this deathly pose & who other than Frollo she is with all alone

Who now must be thinking third time lucky, asked Esme once again is’t me or is’t the rope
Which; Esme despite her fear said; “Look ‘ere sunshine, you just do not have a flippin’ hope”

What could have been worse than bumping into your mother just as you’ve hit the gallow
When didn’t the old bat get smacked in the head by someone who threw a rotten marrow

Meanwhile; poor old Quassie was running round in circles, trying to find the one he loved
As; poor dear Esme who was still swinging in her death throws from, the gallows up above

Indiana Shaw . . . 

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